And I’m not posting on here anymore.

I want to stop living my life like this.
I want to stop this before it takes a turn for the worst.

I want to be healthy.

What’s the point in being thin if you’re just going to get sent away to hospital and forced to put weight back on?
What’s the point in being thin, if you’re completely withdrawn from everything and have pushed everyone away?
What’s the point in being thin, when instead of receiving compliments, all you get is people fussing and worrying and forcing you to eat something?
What’s the point in being thin, if the road to get there is a living hell?
What’s the point in being thin, if your whole life is a neat, fragile package full of lies, deceit and secrets?
What’s the point in being thin, if you’re never satisfied? I know that if I keep this up, and I reach my goal weight.. it won’t be enough. I’ll always have that voice in my head, telling me to lose one more kilo. Then another. It’s never enough.

I purged today, for the last time. I don’t want rotting teeth. I want nice, white teeth. I want my hair to stop falling out. I want to have the same energy I used to. I want to be able to sleep at night. And I will.

I’m not giving up, I’m just deciding to do this the healthy way. I’ve deleted all my previous posts, I do not want to promote eating disorders at all, it’s a miserable place to be.

I don’t even know if this will work. If I can just get out. I know I can’t just stop overnight but I plan to really try and stop this. It’s all in my head. It’s in there and I can get it out again. I’m going to eat healthy, I’m going to stop counting calories, skipping meals, purging. No more lies, no more tears, no more scars.

Regardless of whether this works or not, I will not post on here again. I’m putting all of this behind me now, I’m starting fresh and I’m going to do it right this time.